I think my butt grew a little

from 10 hours of sitting on it.

Here is a picture of my commute home on Friday in the snow. During those long boring hours, I composed a poem. It goes like this.

Cheese
by LaRae McDonald

Cheese cheese cheese cheese

Cheese cheese cheese.

Cheese cheese cheese,

Cheese cheese cheeese.

Cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese CHEESE!!!

The End.

Significant

I used to have this super cheap thin plastic awful toilet seat on my toilet, and when I sat down it would slide and sink and cave in, which made my bathroom time a drag. Then one day this dream boy showed up with a new expensive toilet seat and put it upon my toilet. It is so firm and so smooth and so cool upon my bum!

AARP!! Ha ha ha!!!

Look at this! The AARP's records indicate I am fully eligible for their membership!!! Hurray for me - I'm 55!! I'm running straight to Denny's and ordering off the Senior Menu.

$4.99 Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity here I come!!!

(Who owns the AARP? Is it the Government? Should I be concerned about what my records are indicating?)

Happy Vernal Equinox

Ahh, Spring! There is a 2 foot square patch of potential beauty on my 1.5 acres of wild trashy land, and that is this funny black culvert thingy lodged in the ground - utterly hideous, but I planted tulips in it last fall and now they are a foot high of green stems. I think they just might bloom, and my white trash yard will have a spot of beauty. Yay me for my foresight. Forsite. Forecite? Something that a) I cannot spell, which might be the reason that it is also something that b) I don't possess. Except in this one Tulip Incident.

I LOVE growing up and planning ahead!!! Next step in my Embrace-age of Aging: Becoming one with my fine lines and wrinkles.

My sister is SO FUNNY!

She makes me laugh so hard, sometimes I'm able to eliminate a whole day's worth of tummy crunches, because my belly hurts so much the next day from heaving with laughter.

Oh wait, I don't do tummy crunches. I should put that on my to-do list.

But who needs crunches when there is hilarity in your very own family. This card she sent me makes me laugh out loud every time I read it - which is every time I get dressed or undressed because it's taped to my closet wall. It practically defines my existence. I picture her and shout out laughing to the wall when I see it. The sheep! He is so FUNNY!!! He has a bowtie on to be funny, but he is so miserable because no one else gets him. Stupid other sheep! HA HA HA!!!!!

My Coronation

I have officially been Crowned.

Following is the email exchange between me and Connie, the Ruler of my Dentist Office, who is so incredibly cool:

From: McDonald, LaRae X.

Subject: This Queen needs a CROWN!!

Good morning Connie,
Dr. Harper has been telling me I need to get a crown once my tooth starts feeling like it needs it.
As of 24 hours ago, my tooth NEEDS it!!! I can't eat anything on my right side. I have an appointment on the 28th for a small thingy on another tooth. Is there room then for me to do the crown too, or is there any time before then or close to sometime soon I could get scheduled? It's not so painful that I can't stand it, but I'd like to get it as soon as I can.
Thanks!
LaRae

________________________________________________________________

From: Harper DDS
Subject: RE: This Queen needs a CROWN!!

Hi Queenie!
I only have a short time on the 28th, can I move you to Wednesday, February 27th at 1:00PM?
Connie

_________________________________________________________________

From: McDonald, LaRae X.

RE: This Queen needs a CROWN!!

So just to make sure - I am NOT coming in today for the previously scheduled small filling I was going to get, correct? I'm going to come in next Wednesday at 2:30 for my coronation.
LaRae

__________________________________________________________________

From: Harper DDS
RE: This Queen needs a CROWN!!

That is exactly correct your Majesty! Your court will be waiting.

Connie

__________________________________________________________________

From: McDonald, LaRae X.

RE: This Queen needs a CROWN!!

Oh this is so exciting. I wonder what I will WEAR!

LaRae

___________________________________________________________________

From: Harper DDS

Subject: RE: This Queen needs a CROWN!!

I believe you should simply cover yourself in jewels, I don't think anything else matters.

Connie

___________________________________________________________________

When I arrived for my Coronation, Connie and Julie presented me with a tiara, and they brought their sunglasses to shield their eyes from my brilliance. We took pictures. What a hoot.

www.inventsomethingformefordinner.com

I need someone to create a website for me. I have this problem, wherein I am too chicken to concoct a dinner out of the random contents of my fridge and pantry. This is a skill I believe belongs to true geniuses. I know of three specifically - Bec, my mom and Lori, who can throw a bunch of stuff from their kitchen together and it comes out gourmet every time. Me? I'm stymied by fear and a lack of creativity.

It seems to me in this day of the internet providing you with everything you need to know, that someone could invent a website for the Fearful And Blocked Dinner Preparer wherein I enter the food items I have available to me, and it searches for recipes using those ingredients. How brilliant would that be.

Someone needs to jump on that immediately. Too bad no one is reading this, since only one person knows my blog address.